Complete
by Lisa7
Summary: Ten years after graduation, how have things changed?


Title: Complete

Title: Complete

Author: Lisa

Feedback:lisagaill@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. 

Rating: PG?

Summary: Ten years after Graduation, how have things changed?

Authors Notes: Ok, this gets a bit confusing. The idea for the fic came while listening to Michelle Branch's CD, The Spirit Room, specifically Here with me and Goodbye to you. The title comes from Lila McCann's CD, Complete. This is unbeta-d. I just had this idea and I had to write it. I plan on having another fic out soon..though, plans never go as..well..planned. I don't think this is one of my better efforts, but they can't all be good, huh? Anyway. Here it is:

I walk into my empty house. I know it's empty because it's always empty and that's the way I like it.

I check my email, nothing but junk. I check my voicemail; I have several, the most important being Willow, wanting to finalize her and Oz's plans for coming to see me. With an internal promise to call her back, I flip on the stereo. I smile as soft strands of classical music waft through the air. I don't normally like classical music, but I can't deny the fact that it is relaxing.

Locking the front door, I move into my bedroom and then the bathroom to run my bath water. 

Bubble baths are my most cherished sanctity. Nothing like sitting in a tub full of hot water until it runs cold. Many times, I have just let the water out and started a new one. I think tonight will be that kind of night.

I left the Mouth of Hell nearly seven years ago. After Giles went back to England, with my mom, they got married just about eight years ago. It was very bizarre. Then Xander and Anya moved to LA, I didn't have a lot keeping me there anymore. Willow and Oz left for a while, but returned, I'm still not exactly sure why.

The Hellmouth is not closed, not exactly. But after Faith died a new slayer came. She is not as powerful as I, or even Faith was, she's a lot like Kendra though, she has perfect technique. She doesn't have the emotions to back her up. I told Kendra once that my emotions give me power, now I'm not so sure they are good to have in that situations. Emotions get in the way; they confuse things.

I had to get away. I couldn't stand to be in the place any longer. It reeked of slayers and demons and... love. It wasn't just enough for me to leave Sunnydale, nor California, I left the country. Ok, so Canada isn't exactly Australia. For a native Californian, it might as well been. I love the fact that there are seasons, I had no idea there were four until I moved here. Winter leaves the ground blanketed in snow. It's my favorite time of the year. It reminds me of all that's pure, what hasn't been tainted with all the evil of the world.

I still go back sometimes, usually only when I'm needed. If there is a particularly nasty demon that she can't deal with. I never stay long though. Every corner of that town reminds me of things I would rather forget. For every ten steps I take towards progress, returning to Sunnydale sets me back about twenty. I don't go back very often.

I'm a Wicca, too. I slowly started picking up on things, just by doing spells and watching Willow and Giles. Willow tells me I'm really good, that I'm a natural. I'm not exactly sure what that means, if it's good or bad. Either way, I like it. It gives me a sense of peace and understanding that I never had before.

I'm a writer, so I spend most of my time at home. I am happy. I don't want to be around a lot of people. I have a few friends, even fewer close ones, but that's ok. I still hold on to the ones that stood by me through it all.I'm not sad, or shut off from the world. I may be lonely, but I'm still me.

I'm still learning. I'm still trying to be Buffy and not Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or Buffy in love with Angel; or Buffy, Joyce's daughter and on and on. It's taken me nearly twenty-nine years, but I'm finally getting comfortable with myself.

He never told me where he was going; he just turned and virtually disappeared into the night. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I see his staring back at me, the way they were the last time we saw each other. As we stood amidst the remains of the school he helped destroy, his face was expressionless but his eyes mirrored my own, they held promises of the future and understanding of the past and regret of the present.

I still miss him. I miss him everyday. But I'm not mad. I was never mad. I always understood why he did what he did. That doesn't help heal my broken heart though. Every night, I replay that day over and over, each night hoping that it will end differently that when I wake up he will be lying beside me and everything will all be a dream. It never is though.

What I don't think he realizes, or I know he doesn't, is that I understand why he did what he did. I understand that he had to leave. He had to do it for him. It would be selfish of me to have expected him to stay just because I wanted him to. Had the situation been different, or in some way turned around, I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing.

I don't sit around pining away for him. I have a life. I have friends, maybe not a lot, but it's always quality over quantity. Of course I wish he were here, but I know he will come back when he is ready. And he will find me when he is ready and we will have the life we've always dreamed of. I realize that we couldn't have had a future ten years ago. I wasn't strong enough in anything, aside from physical strength. I wasn't mentally or emotionally able to comprehend the type of love that we have. Sure, I knew it was special and I knew he would be the only one I would ever love, but I had no ability to grasp just what we had.I do now and when he realizes it, I will open my door and there he will be.

My heart will never be completely healed until that day, but I'm content with it just being partially healed for now.

I have dated. I had a serious relationship for a while, but we both knew that it wasn't meant to last. He was actually in love with me, I think, and I was happy to feel something resembling love again. I did love him, just not in the way either one of us needed. He is perhaps my best friend now. He knows about me, about my past and he doesn't question it. He lets me cry on his shoulder whenever I need. That's what I need. I don't need a relationship. I know that.

Now my water is turning cold and I'm hungry. While I dry off and dress, I feel a new peace settle over my heart. Something is different. It's not like these are new revelations, I've felt this way for a while now, but still, I can't help feel different. I feel complete.

When I walk into the living room, I know why I'm complete. 

There my love sits on my couch. The question of exactly how he got into my house doesn't even enter my mind as I we meet in the middle of the room, hugging as if there had never been any distance.

My heart is whole now.


End file.
